Surrender, Safety and the Sacred Practice of Return

Sometimes, often, devotion requires a leap. 

Sometimes it requires a fall. 

And sometimes, it requires a gigantic push from a part of you that knows deeply that it’s time to truly surrender. 

To fall apart and to trust the ways that you will be put back together again. 

We all have this infinitely powerful part within us. The part that knows even when everything else is in full concealment and denial. In fact, this is the part where the Goddess most tangibly resides. This is where she loves to taste herself, in her fullness. In her magnificence.

The Goddess Within and Her Many Faces

But there are other flavours to her too. There are other parts of you too. Those parts who might not agree that it’s time to truly surrender. Those parts that panic, desperately try to protect, to keep things as they are, to stay ‘safe’. The powerful part though asks us to remember: change is dangerous. And, entirely necessary. 

It can be oh so tempting to shame those parts that begin acting out when change comes to beckon us on ahead. It’s easy to label them as ‘small self’, as pathetic, as afraid. And yes. They are afraid. And they should be, truly surrendering is a terrifying thing to do.

And at the same time, isn’t the refusal to surrender, to change, to grow, even more terrifying?

How do you let those terrified parts coexist with the part that knows and feels the deeper truth?

Loving the Terrified Parts

You have to take care of the terrified parts with utter, utter love and care.

How do you want to be held? Hold those parts this way.

How do you want to be soothed? Soothe those parts this way.

How do you want to be nourished? Nourish those parts this way. 

What do these parts want to say, sing, sob? Let them express. Listen, respond. Listen again. 

It takes preparation to cross the bridge to wholeness, where life is more aligned and yet often, more confronting. Your body, your soul and all the parts need to feel safe. Or else, they're liable to start rocking the bridge as you begin to cross it. 

So how do you cultivate safety before crossing the bridge of devotion, of desire, of wholeness?

You begin, again and again, with sadhana. Dedicated, disciplined and non-negotiable practice. Yes, when we are in crisis we call out to God in desperation. And this is normal, human, perhaps inevitable. Even those who would usually call themselves aesthetic, agnostic, not into all this mumbo jumbo… even these people cry out for God when hope abandons them. 

If you also talk to God, to Goddess, to the Divine and ultimately, to Self, when things feel breezy and easy, it’s easier to find them when things fall apart. You learn to make a home for yourself in your morning, or perhaps your evening, practice. Your daily communion with God. 

The Ground of Practice

Where to start? Always start with Ganesha. Ganesha is the steady ground, the guardian of the Threshold. The remover - and placer - of obstacles. When you come to sit, imagine his big full belly gently warming into your own. Exhale. Make sure there’s nothing too tight or restrictive around your belly and let it flop into its sweet fullness. You might imagine Ganesha’s elephant belly, gently giggling in laughter and delight that you’re here, again. To start another day together. Perhaps you imagine his curved trunk, his flapping ears, his kind and perceiving eyes. And then when you feel settled, ready, begin to chant his mantra. 

There are many beats of mantra with which we can call to Ganesha. But a well known and well loved one is: Om Gan Ganapataye Namaha. (Om = yes, Gan = Ganesha, Ganapataye = Ganesha, Namaha = salutations. ‘Yes Ganesha, I bow to you.’)

You can chant this inwardly or outwardly. You can chant it 108 times with a mala (a necklace with 108 stringed beads) or you can sing it, or chant it, as many times as you like. But keep listening to each sound that emerges from and within you as you call to Ganesha. If you drift away, come back to belly, to breath, to the beat. His plodding footsteps across the ground of being are here in the rhythm of the mantra.

Once done, let yourself sit in silence. And listen to the silence. Listen to the layers upon layers upon layers of silence. And there, someone else will begin to emerge. Between the steady inhale and soft exhale of breath, of moment to moment, of form and formless; there he is. Shiva. The one who is holding everything and waiting for you to slip back in and remember; he is always with you. 

And then he’s not, and you’re somewhere else entirely, lost in a million thoughts, forgetful. Every time this happens, come back to the space between things. The space between light and shadow, the space between fingers, the space between contraction and expansion. And there he is, once again, still holding, regardless of whether or not you recognise him. 

The Drips of Shakti

This is the beginning of practice. Ganesha, Shiva… and from there you can drop in the drips of Shakti as she begins to succulently squeeze out of that holding field of Shiva. And when she does, there’s nothing you need to do. She flows forth, she points this way and that, she takes your hand and carries you along. You will see what form she finds you in; maybe Saraswati, Para, Durga. Maybe as a light, a vibration, a sound. 

A great resource for learning how to see the light of inspiration, Pratibha, which is her energy, is Awakening Shakti by Sally Kempton. This book will support your meeting of Shakti with specific mantras, practices and stories to help ensure you feel safe and held. And the safety and holding is very necessary for the surrender, for your ability to listen and trust. 

Build a Home in Your Practice

Over time, you make a home for yourself in your practice. Your sadhana becomes a place where you can resource yourself. Where you come to connect to all the layers of self and other, of body and environment, of silence and Shakti. Sadhana becomes the safe holding field.

And so, when something happens, you are ready. Or let’s be realistic; you are MORE ready. It can be tempting to believe that spiritual practice, devotion, will excuse you from the agony of existence. But not in the Tantric lineage; in this tradition, it’s all an invitation into more aliveness. It’s all food for your energy body, if you can stomach it, which is what dedicated practice is preparing us for. It’s all food for her.  

Practice builds our capacity, it’s not there to numb us out.

But it does help us prepare. It does help us feel safe. It does cultivate trust. So that when, one day, something comes along and gives you a hard sharp push against the small of your back and you’re free falling through all the quietude and clarity and certainty… you can trust that the steady ground of being is still there. That Shiva is still waiting to be remembered, in the space between despair and hope. 

Meeting the Demons with Love

This doesn’t mean that the demons, the monsters, the Asuras aren’t going to flash their fangs, growl and begin to prowl towards you. It means that when you allow yourself to steady, to yield and to face them head on… you know how to meet them with love. 

And if you don’t? Then you call on Kali. Kali is always there to meet the demons with love. To remind us that these parts of us are not only scary, but that they are also starving. 

When you call on Kali, and I mean, really, deliberately, call on her, you are calling from that part of yourself that knows it's time to deeply surrender. And she will emerge from that same place and receive all that you are ready to give to her, to ask her to hold, to ask her to love. She will support you to return to that place, even when the other, scared, terrified parts are screaming to be seen.

So how do you call on Kali? Definitely don’t read a blog post and think that this will be preparation enough. You sense into self and really ask, am I resourced, safe, protected for all the love that I invite in when I call to Kali? And if the answer is no, or not sure, or blank… then you ensure that you are prepared. That your body is ready, that your life is ready. You do this with ritual, container and community. And you do this from the ground, the home of your regular sadhana. You do this from all the ways that you have cultivated remembership, every time you forget. 

The Moment of Becoming

So when you feel that tug on your back that threatens, or promises, to push you forward into your own becoming, into awakening… look around you. Are the conditions ready, are you resourced, do those scared parts feel safe enough to trust along with the wider part that trusts unconditionally? If the answer is no, then devote yourself again and again to sadhana. 

If the answer is yes… then all you need do is lean forward and wait for the currents of life to sweep you up and away. 
If the answer is yes… join us in The Remembership.